The Age of Incivility: the Loss of Civil Communication on Social Media

The hashtag #civility has been popping up on Facebook and I'm sure, on other social media platforms, and for good reason. The divisive political climate (and equally divisive rhetoric), coupled with the incessant social media chatter around us, has given rise to increasingly gross, distasteful, and hateful attacks across the digital space.

Why all the hate? Can't we all just agree to disagree?

Social media provides a veil behind which people can hide. It enables users to go after people they don't even know, whose views run counter to their own. But it's often not a matter of, "I respectfully disagree." It is very often vehemently hostile, crude language flung at complete strangers, often about topics that might not even direct affect the flinger's life. Even in matters that many of us care about deeply, and may or may not impact our daily lives, why is there no civility in the responses? Why all the knee-jerk ugly reactions that are cluttering up our feeds?

Humans are attached to the need to be right, often at great cost. As is often seen on social networks, that cost is one's personal dignity and social civility.

There is ample digital real estate for civil discourse, a sharing and an exchange of views in a respectful manner. There are people with whom I am connected, and some with whom I work, that do not share my politics, religion, ethnic or cultural background, or views on societal matters but we find the common ground upon which we can converse with civility. We respect each other as fellow citizens and colleagues. As a former boss used to tell me, "Be tough on the issues but easy on the people." Would that more of us would heed that advice.

We see the hostile comments everywhere. Twitter threads devolve into acidic stews of vitriol. Facebook comments turn ugly in a tap of a key. Internet trolls throw major shade, convolute stories, bully total strangers. I've even seen it occasionally on LinkedIn of all places (speaking of, please keep your posts related to business there). Sniping and cursing at people unknown to the user, a friend of a friend perhaps, is commonplace. It's also offensive and unnecessary. Remember what the teacher said: If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything. Or take it offline and keep it away from the rest of us who just want to enjoy each other's company.

The real news/fake news battle is not helping matters. Before you post that incendiary story or react to the WTF-worthy headline (and perpetuate the hate, intentionally or unintentionally), read the actual article. Find out the source; is it an actual news organization? Check snopes.com or truthorfiction.com if you must, if the story seems too crazy to believe. Likewise, don't believe every meme you see; remember that someone created it and the quote might not be true, the story not factual, the attribution incorrect or out of context. We can all help cut down on the vitriol if we take a few minutes to check something out before spreading rumors and ill will. (Image: Nick Youngson Photography)

By the way, one positive feature about scrolling through your feed to see what your connections are talking about is that you can keep on scrolling. Don't stop. Don't react. Just keep on going if you don't like the conversation. Or, take a deep breath and type a considered, considerate response. It's easy to do if you are not attached to proving a point but to sharing a viewpoint instead.

I encourage you to take many deep breaths as you scroll through your feeds, consider writing responses rather than reactions, respect each other's right to opinions and world views, pass over the posts you don't like, and help bring back #civility to the social media discourse. It was once there and this is entirely possible.

Why Everyone Deserves Their Privacy -- Even on the Internet

I have not written for a couple of months (too busy writing other people's blogs, seriously!!) but Robin Williams' passing has had me thinking about this issue a lot in the past week.

These people are not related to us, they are not our close personal friends. Of course, as so many people were, I was saddened to hear Mr. Williams had reached the point where suicide was the better option. It is sad for anyone to be in that place.

But as we know and see, when something happens to a celebrity, the Internet lights up, newspapers fills pages with stories no one really needs to know; these people's private lives become a completely open book. I don't think that's fair.
Besides, many people commit suicide daily, people we don't hear about nor about whom we lick our chops over news stories or go trawling for lascivious updates. I know, they are not public figures, they do not have millions of fans, but their end is every bit as tragic.

Facebook is crowded with everyone's "RIP Robin Williams." People are posting links to countless articles all saying the same thing -- he was depressed, he left this world by his own hand -- and there seems to be some kind of horrible fascination with the details, like rubberneckers when passing a bad accident on the highway (another situation I do not understand. Move on people, nothing to see here ...). It was somewhat the same situation when Philip Seymour Hoffman died of an apparent drug overdose a few months ago; a great (and troubled) talent gone much too soon by our account.

I get that when this happens to a public figure, it is an opportunity, for the greater public good, to create more awareness of the medical or mental health issue that could potentially benefit others who suffer from these conditions (addictions, depression, physical disease). But it all begs the question: When is enough, enough?

I think the 24/7 media coverage of their lives is intrusive and who among us would want that kind of scrutiny?

And then there's this ...
Many media types have already excoriated the Daily News for its usual classless style to run the yellowest of journalism's front page story about Mr. Williams' death (check it out, you'll vomit a little in your mouth).

Bottom line for me: the details of these people's deaths are not our business (excepting criminal investigations or something related to the public good). Nor are the details of their personal lives. I found it repugnant that Robin Williams' wife felt obligated to reveal her husband was diagnosed with early-stage Parkinson's disease ... of what use is this private information to anyone who is not related or affiliated with him in some way (certainly none of us are)? Why is anyone's personal medical diagnosis of concern to the public? Not to mention, media reports (journalism) should be fact-based reports, not histrionic editorials designed to feed the public's frenzy for "dirty details."




What's Up With Those Trolls Anyway? 
The anonymity of the Internet opens the door for terrible behavior by people who clearly have too much idle time and nothing constructive to do. I have written before about some bad behavior on LinkedIn but that's just stupid communication; trolls can be destructive.

Trolls are people who post inflammatory messages, often off topic and disruptive, on blogs, chat rooms and forums, and social media feeds. We've all seen them, the hostile diatribes from people no one knows, the creepy or inappropriate posts that incite upset and anger. Their primary goal is to rile up the readers and although they often succeed, the best way to treat their posts is to delete them, report them, or rise above with humor and good taste (never sink to their swamp-thing level). Trolls want a good argument but deserve a good whack upside the head (to put it politely).

And now the Internet trolls are at it in the Robin Williams issue, aiming their disgusting, disruptive and destructive comments towards Williams' grieving daughter on Twitter. She has deleted her Twitter account because of this activity. There is a good story in the New York Times about this abhorrent behavior that's taken over people's comment boxes, Facebook feeds, Twitter accounts and more.

Problem is -- there are no true rules for Internet etiquette. Grown-up, stable citizens of the world understand that decency, acceptance of different perspectives (delivered respectfully), and true sharing of opinions with productive discourse can be a fruitful way to hold a digital conversation and even build relationships and community around a shared interest or cause. But when trolls enter the picture, lives can be marred and in some cases ruined. Consider the cyber bullying that has led to teenage suicides; it's a different kind of trolling as far as I'm concerned.

Is there a way to monitor and control this? Not yet but I hope there will be soon. In the meantime, I question society's need to creep into celebrities' lives and nosh on the sad details of their personal struggles. It's all sad enough without us strangers clamoring for more. Leave their families and close friends and associates to grieve in private. Nothing to see here.